My 6 grandchildren are a gift from my two stepsons. They had a perfectly good mother living just up the road and when I married their father they were 3 and 5 and called me by my first name. 30 odd years later when the eldest became a father for the first time he asked me what I wanted to be called. I said Carolyn - oh no, was the response, I meant grandma, granny, nana that sort of thing because you’re a grandmother now. The other stepson agreed. Huge gift. I get grandmothers day cards on Mothering Sunday.
Read, Gateway Elderwoman! Beautiful work from Jody- authentic and honest- mothering is love in action, whether we have children or not. The world is full of children of all ages ready and waiting to be loved.
This speaks to so many of us, Jody, especially those of us who are caregivers for our loved ones. It's a labor of love, and as rich as it is challenging. Thank you for your openness, you are definitely feeding the right one.
Thank you dear Karen for your understanding and support. As a sister carer, I know that you deeply understand the territory. Hugs to you and yours. Jody x
Mother is a verb! What a great title, and love how you describe the complexity of your relationships with the mothers in your life. Beautiful writing. I just subscribed :)
What a lovely tribute to your MIL & the other women who have mothered you over the years, dear Jody. I still think of my best friend's parents (now in their early 90s) as "my other parents," and I'm lucky to have had some wonderful aunties & great-aunties in my life, both genetic and honorary. I don't think children/young people can ever have too many caring adults in their lives!
Thank you Lori and I absolutely agree about caring adults! I got a gorgeous text message from one of my nieces the day after mother's day in which she said "Thank you for being in my life: I wouldn't be me without you" which touched me deeply. She's the artist and somewhat of a misfit in her family system, and struggled through her adolescence and young adulthood; now in her late 20s she's blossoming and flourishing both personally and in her work/art and I'm so proud to have been part of what helped her find her way...
Beautiful. And as a woman who honks and snorts when she laughs, I see your MIL. To never waver from taking up space in laughter is a tiny rebellion in its own right. Sending love, this was just beautiful.
I do not feel I have ever been loved by mothers other than my own or possibly anyone. I'm too old now to be lovable by others. I wish more than anything I could have once felt unconditional love or any love in my lifetime.
So painful to see all those here who didn't have the best mothers but managed to have children. My pain will never be understood or acknowledged.
Thank you Lisa. Mothering is something the world needs more of, and I don't think we should put all that weight just onto those who have given birth... My mother-in-law is an absolute gem, and she will be much missed xx
Wow. This is beautiful, and evocative, and makes me grieve for the poor mothering I received and have only recently recognised for what it was (at the age of 63 - until recently I was still thinking it was me...). I am lucky enough to have had two children, a daughter and a son, and with every fibre of my being was determined to give them what I didn't receive. Love.
I'm so sorry to learn that your mother too was also unable to mother in a good enough way... there are so many wounded mothers, who were probably wounded daughters too. It has been one of the parts of my childlessness I've had to grieve: that I never got to be a different kind of mother to my own children; I'm so glad you have xx
What a rich and beautiful essay. Thank you for sharing such deep thoughts. It’s like eating a chocolate truffle and letting it slowly melt in your mouth. I feel like you are a mother of us all with your wisdom and love. Who says that it has to have a biological attachment to be a mother.
Thank you Sharon - as a chocolate lover, that’s a beautiful compliment! I’m so glad you interpret my stumbling around in the dark as “wisdom”… I write to make sense of things for myself, and by sharing with others and learning from your feedback. Hugs, Jody x
I passed this up more than once due to my difficult situation with my own mother, but found myself comming back to it mostly because becoming a Mother and being Gammy has been the most rewarding times of my life...and yet there's another side to this story...one I can't seem to see ot touch yet undeniable and no doubt a needed lesson turned blessn' , if I have the right mindset and strength to see where it lands. You have already blessed me with your words...one can never see the people they touch with our earthly vision...in a way I am mother's by you in a way already...yet join you as a sister in virtual imaginations...which is ironic considering I was the only girl with 3 brothers...never having a blood sister of my own..thank you and I'll be following along!
Thank you Sure - as someone without parents, siblings, children or grandchildren I sometimes feel a fraud writing about mothering… but I push through as my soul tells me it’s about so much more than giving birth… xxx
Beautiful, Jody. You and this article. Thank you for sharing each of these threads and weaving them together so that we can feel your story connected in empathy - all our mothering stories unconsciously linking.
'Your mothering heart continues to give widely and unstintingly' through Gateway Elderwomen; the welcome embrace of home and empathy are part of its DNA, and yours. Sitting alongside you.
Thank you Victoria for appreciating both threads of this essay and my life: healing my broken childless heart; offering my broken-open childless heart in service of others. Sending you love today, sister carer xx
Awww, sister-carer, I love that—thanks, Jody! Big, empathetic hugs. I'm sure you're exhausted, so more of those dreams may arise. If they do, don't forget many of us will bring the colour, empathy, and warmth to carry you forward. xo
My 6 grandchildren are a gift from my two stepsons. They had a perfectly good mother living just up the road and when I married their father they were 3 and 5 and called me by my first name. 30 odd years later when the eldest became a father for the first time he asked me what I wanted to be called. I said Carolyn - oh no, was the response, I meant grandma, granny, nana that sort of thing because you’re a grandmother now. The other stepson agreed. Huge gift. I get grandmothers day cards on Mothering Sunday.
How lovely for you all that your experiencing of step-parenting has led to such closeness with their children too. I'm so happy for you ALL x
Read, Gateway Elderwoman! Beautiful work from Jody- authentic and honest- mothering is love in action, whether we have children or not. The world is full of children of all ages ready and waiting to be loved.
Thank you Robin: 'love in action' is such a beautiful description of 'mothering' as a verb x
This speaks to so many of us, Jody, especially those of us who are caregivers for our loved ones. It's a labor of love, and as rich as it is challenging. Thank you for your openness, you are definitely feeding the right one.
Thank you dear Karen for your understanding and support. As a sister carer, I know that you deeply understand the territory. Hugs to you and yours. Jody x
Mother is a verb! What a great title, and love how you describe the complexity of your relationships with the mothers in your life. Beautiful writing. I just subscribed :)
Thank you so for your support and appreciation Ilona; mother-daughter relationships are rarely easy it seems!
What a lovely tribute to your MIL & the other women who have mothered you over the years, dear Jody. I still think of my best friend's parents (now in their early 90s) as "my other parents," and I'm lucky to have had some wonderful aunties & great-aunties in my life, both genetic and honorary. I don't think children/young people can ever have too many caring adults in their lives!
Thank you Lori and I absolutely agree about caring adults! I got a gorgeous text message from one of my nieces the day after mother's day in which she said "Thank you for being in my life: I wouldn't be me without you" which touched me deeply. She's the artist and somewhat of a misfit in her family system, and struggled through her adolescence and young adulthood; now in her late 20s she's blossoming and flourishing both personally and in her work/art and I'm so proud to have been part of what helped her find her way...
Deeply affecting, and your writing is poetry in prose.
Thank you so much Karen; both for the sentiment and the compliment xx
Beautiful. And as a woman who honks and snorts when she laughs, I see your MIL. To never waver from taking up space in laughter is a tiny rebellion in its own right. Sending love, this was just beautiful.
Thank you so much. Each time we interract, I like you more and more :) I hope our paths cross in real life one day! x
You are lucky, relatively speaking.
I do not feel I have ever been loved by mothers other than my own or possibly anyone. I'm too old now to be lovable by others. I wish more than anything I could have once felt unconditional love or any love in my lifetime.
So painful to see all those here who didn't have the best mothers but managed to have children. My pain will never be understood or acknowledged.
Sending you a big hug from afar dear JP x
This is stunning x
Thank you Joanna x
Although I have a wonderful mother, I have been the "adopted" daughter to many women.
This post is a beautiful reminder that blood doesn't ensure mothering.
Your mother-in-law sounds amazing.
Thank you Lisa. Mothering is something the world needs more of, and I don't think we should put all that weight just onto those who have given birth... My mother-in-law is an absolute gem, and she will be much missed xx
My daughter calls my partner, Mother Paul, because he's very mothering to her and his daughters.
Everyone needs that quality:)
Wow. This is beautiful, and evocative, and makes me grieve for the poor mothering I received and have only recently recognised for what it was (at the age of 63 - until recently I was still thinking it was me...). I am lucky enough to have had two children, a daughter and a son, and with every fibre of my being was determined to give them what I didn't receive. Love.
I'm so sorry to learn that your mother too was also unable to mother in a good enough way... there are so many wounded mothers, who were probably wounded daughters too. It has been one of the parts of my childlessness I've had to grieve: that I never got to be a different kind of mother to my own children; I'm so glad you have xx
What a rich and beautiful essay. Thank you for sharing such deep thoughts. It’s like eating a chocolate truffle and letting it slowly melt in your mouth. I feel like you are a mother of us all with your wisdom and love. Who says that it has to have a biological attachment to be a mother.
Thank you Sharon - as a chocolate lover, that’s a beautiful compliment! I’m so glad you interpret my stumbling around in the dark as “wisdom”… I write to make sense of things for myself, and by sharing with others and learning from your feedback. Hugs, Jody x
Wonderful, evocative writing.
Thank you Lou x
I passed this up more than once due to my difficult situation with my own mother, but found myself comming back to it mostly because becoming a Mother and being Gammy has been the most rewarding times of my life...and yet there's another side to this story...one I can't seem to see ot touch yet undeniable and no doubt a needed lesson turned blessn' , if I have the right mindset and strength to see where it lands. You have already blessed me with your words...one can never see the people they touch with our earthly vision...in a way I am mother's by you in a way already...yet join you as a sister in virtual imaginations...which is ironic considering I was the only girl with 3 brothers...never having a blood sister of my own..thank you and I'll be following along!
Thank you Sure - as someone without parents, siblings, children or grandchildren I sometimes feel a fraud writing about mothering… but I push through as my soul tells me it’s about so much more than giving birth… xxx
Beautiful, Jody. You and this article. Thank you for sharing each of these threads and weaving them together so that we can feel your story connected in empathy - all our mothering stories unconsciously linking.
'Your mothering heart continues to give widely and unstintingly' through Gateway Elderwomen; the welcome embrace of home and empathy are part of its DNA, and yours. Sitting alongside you.
Thank you Victoria for appreciating both threads of this essay and my life: healing my broken childless heart; offering my broken-open childless heart in service of others. Sending you love today, sister carer xx
Awww, sister-carer, I love that—thanks, Jody! Big, empathetic hugs. I'm sure you're exhausted, so more of those dreams may arise. If they do, don't forget many of us will bring the colour, empathy, and warmth to carry you forward. xo
Thank you for your honest words Jody.
P.S. I tend to deploy the word 'Auntying'
Aunting is a vital and underrated form of mothering. I have been aunted by many xxx