This is great and I'm so very happy to have a place to relate with other women. In January I turned 71. When I was 17 I made up my mind not to ever bring children into this world. In 2000, I gave up all ideas of romantic partnerships. I have a small group of women who are friends, however, MOST are either in a relationship or have children/grandchildren, or family members living close by. Which is where they go during the holidays.
Physical looks? Can't say I like it but I have accepted it -- as gracefully as possible. For me accepting "change" was key to it all--life is always about change and it never stays good or bad. The only constant is change.
I don't regret the decisions I've made and most of the time I'm very happy. That being said, there are definitely times that I feel at a loss. One of those times is--who do I leave my "stuff" to? Sounds silly and I have been getting rid of so much...one neighbor stopped in and said that she likes my "minimalist" way of life! OMG---people just don't get it!
The other thing that comes to mind and is difficult for ME (especially since I'm healthy) to deal with is, WHO wants the responsibility of helping me with medical, etc. when that time arrives?
Hi Bev - and apologies for only just now seeing your comment (no idea how I missed it!) And what a thoughtful comment too. I think the issues around who will be there for us if/when we need support around our health is a huge issue that all of us without children (and many of us without partners either now or in the future) have to grapple with. I'm going to be doing a deep dive into this over the next few years as I've been interviewing people around the world on this topic. Thanks again for your comment! Jody x
I think it’s easier to deal with fading looks as a childless woman when one is also happily partnered. As an older single childless woman who would dearly love a partnership but see no prospects at all for that, it is impossible for me to even stick my toe in the water to brave taking selfies that emphasize my age. I will diet, exercise, dye and blow dry, etc because for me it’s not an option to happily sink into cronedom while still basking in a comfortable partnership.
Janet - yes, the 'male gaze' falls even harder on unpartnered women as we age, as all aspects of childlessness fall harder on unpartnered women. I was married to a man from my early-twenties who lost interest in me sexually even before I turned forty as I was no longer attractive enough for him... and then single for much of my forties and early fifties. I knew that if I were ever to be in a life-partnership again, it would need to be someone who was looking for something deeper than looks and frankly, I didn't expect to ever meet one! I was extremely fortunate to be surprised to meet such a person in my fifties...
I love that phrase ' word cauldron 'Jodi, wonderful! I have just discovered Ursula le Guin through a doco on BBC i player. Her more recent non - fiction books say a lot about aging as she headed towards ninety. If I can find it again there is a particular quote that I loved so will put it here next time. She is worth reading although I'm sure at times falls into the women with partners and children....I am myself heading towards old age and losing hair is one of the things I find most difficult to embrace. But we can't hang on to anything so working towards not worrying about it!
Thanks Lesley - yes I agree that Ursula le Guin writes brilliantly and unsentimentally about old age, although as a mother/grandmother there's that too... Apart from Diana Athill's 'Somewhere Towards the End' I've yet to find female writers on old age who are also childless. If you find any, please let me know!
Yes, that's a bit of a conundrum! I hadn't thought about this - where is everybody, is it just so rare or is everybody shy or hiding. Food for thought and some research.
I have found the hair loss distressing and difficult... Perhaps because unlike the changes to my body which I can keep mostly to myself, my hair is so 'visible'. It's given me great pause for thought on how hard some of this ageing process is going to be, and how the death of vanity may prove a worthy adversary as I move across this threshold!
I shall join you at the word-cauldron! Beyond beauty is indeed something significant. Inhabiting the new-old face and
new-old body where Gravity has made Her scars over 50+ years is very different from Otherhood. Thanks Jody for once again walking ahead and making a path 🌷
Thank you Vanessa. The new-old face is a strange place and I sense that inhabiting her will take all of the skills we acquired making peace with childlessness! x
Thank you
This is great and I'm so very happy to have a place to relate with other women. In January I turned 71. When I was 17 I made up my mind not to ever bring children into this world. In 2000, I gave up all ideas of romantic partnerships. I have a small group of women who are friends, however, MOST are either in a relationship or have children/grandchildren, or family members living close by. Which is where they go during the holidays.
Physical looks? Can't say I like it but I have accepted it -- as gracefully as possible. For me accepting "change" was key to it all--life is always about change and it never stays good or bad. The only constant is change.
I don't regret the decisions I've made and most of the time I'm very happy. That being said, there are definitely times that I feel at a loss. One of those times is--who do I leave my "stuff" to? Sounds silly and I have been getting rid of so much...one neighbor stopped in and said that she likes my "minimalist" way of life! OMG---people just don't get it!
The other thing that comes to mind and is difficult for ME (especially since I'm healthy) to deal with is, WHO wants the responsibility of helping me with medical, etc. when that time arrives?
These are not an easy decisions to make.
Thank you so much.
Hi Bev - and apologies for only just now seeing your comment (no idea how I missed it!) And what a thoughtful comment too. I think the issues around who will be there for us if/when we need support around our health is a huge issue that all of us without children (and many of us without partners either now or in the future) have to grapple with. I'm going to be doing a deep dive into this over the next few years as I've been interviewing people around the world on this topic. Thanks again for your comment! Jody x
I think it’s easier to deal with fading looks as a childless woman when one is also happily partnered. As an older single childless woman who would dearly love a partnership but see no prospects at all for that, it is impossible for me to even stick my toe in the water to brave taking selfies that emphasize my age. I will diet, exercise, dye and blow dry, etc because for me it’s not an option to happily sink into cronedom while still basking in a comfortable partnership.
Janet - yes, the 'male gaze' falls even harder on unpartnered women as we age, as all aspects of childlessness fall harder on unpartnered women. I was married to a man from my early-twenties who lost interest in me sexually even before I turned forty as I was no longer attractive enough for him... and then single for much of my forties and early fifties. I knew that if I were ever to be in a life-partnership again, it would need to be someone who was looking for something deeper than looks and frankly, I didn't expect to ever meet one! I was extremely fortunate to be surprised to meet such a person in my fifties...
I love that phrase ' word cauldron 'Jodi, wonderful! I have just discovered Ursula le Guin through a doco on BBC i player. Her more recent non - fiction books say a lot about aging as she headed towards ninety. If I can find it again there is a particular quote that I loved so will put it here next time. She is worth reading although I'm sure at times falls into the women with partners and children....I am myself heading towards old age and losing hair is one of the things I find most difficult to embrace. But we can't hang on to anything so working towards not worrying about it!
Thanks Lesley - yes I agree that Ursula le Guin writes brilliantly and unsentimentally about old age, although as a mother/grandmother there's that too... Apart from Diana Athill's 'Somewhere Towards the End' I've yet to find female writers on old age who are also childless. If you find any, please let me know!
Yes, that's a bit of a conundrum! I hadn't thought about this - where is everybody, is it just so rare or is everybody shy or hiding. Food for thought and some research.
I have found the hair loss distressing and difficult... Perhaps because unlike the changes to my body which I can keep mostly to myself, my hair is so 'visible'. It's given me great pause for thought on how hard some of this ageing process is going to be, and how the death of vanity may prove a worthy adversary as I move across this threshold!
Indeed!
I shall join you at the word-cauldron! Beyond beauty is indeed something significant. Inhabiting the new-old face and
new-old body where Gravity has made Her scars over 50+ years is very different from Otherhood. Thanks Jody for once again walking ahead and making a path 🌷
Thank you Vanessa. The new-old face is a strange place and I sense that inhabiting her will take all of the skills we acquired making peace with childlessness! x