Me too! Have you explored Sharon Blackie's writings on this? I'm proud to have been interviewed in her book 'Hagitude' and you'll find her here on Substack too at: https://sharonblackie.substack.com/
I love this post, thank you 😊! Also, I'd like to put it out there that we're not obliged to answer questions about why we don't have children, or any other perceived nonconformity. Just turn it around and ask them why they think we should have to justify ourselves. It pot's the onus on them to justify their attitude.
Completely agree Jody with the power of reclaiming. It's been a wonderful thing hasn't it to see so many women of our generation who have been working away at doing exactly this, and Substack unearthing them! I remember being asked in a radio interview a few years ago when talking about Crone Club: "If 'Crones Don't whine' was written over 20 years ago and it's still a 'bad word', why not give it up and just come up with a new one rather than flogging a dead horse?" I think I mumbled something about it giving me a connection to the past, but as always, you've totally nailed it here when you said "I feel steadied by the backbone of the Crone’s presence in my life." 🥰 I think you (and all of us in the crone/hag 'movement') should be proud of what we've achieved this past few years in reclaiming crone/hag/witch narrative! It's easy for us to forget how far we've come! Much love to you and all the crone sisters out there, and thank you for your thoughtful and beautiful writing. xxx ps @twistedtwee on insta have a fine array of crone/hag/harpie badges and clothing, and are reclaiming some more modern pejoratives too - including my fave tee shirt - 'Chopped Liver'. 😳 😂
I never struggled with 'crone' but I did hate the word 'whine' in JSB's choice of book title! Like many women writers on ageing, she doesn't seem to realise that 25% of us are ageing without children and so cannot take refuge in the acceptable social location of 'mother' and possibly 'grandmother', with all their attendant archetypal, metaphorical and social qualities. We are death crones in a very raw way that most people look away from, and once you make peace with that, and feel 'her backbone', the mist clears...
Powerful words and I agree wholeheartedly with needing to reclaim them for ourselves. As a feminist going back to the seventies and in my seventies now, I did cringe with the reference to "Karen" however which is taken from an incident of a racist white woman. Let's not make the same mistake we did back in the seventies of separating ourselves from the struggle against racism as it has the same roots as misogyny. Let's raise our shrill voices for the liberation of all people and join hands with those fighting oppression everywhere on our beleaguered mother earth.
Thanks Diana. I am aware of the origins of the slur 'Karen' and I agree that white feminism too often neglects the intersectional nature of our societies. Upon reflection, I may change that phrase as I certainly don't want to add further slurs in an essay about removing them! I'm against all 'othering' as it leads to (and allows) oppression - of women, of people of colour, of anything that shows up patriarchy for the sham (and shambles) that it is - and of course of our one precious home planet. Thank you for being a feminist in your seventies, gosh I wish I'd known you as a role model growing up!
Loved this bold, truthful post, Jody. I want to focus on this: "...none of us had been supported by our upbringing, education or the wider culture to develop our skills in dealing with boundaries and conflicts."
I grew up in a very patriarchal family where my dad would hurl verbal abuse on me, beat me, and shame me regularly, as he did to my mom. My brother suffered too, but my dad's wrath was against women. It's no wonder why I have historically tried to avoid conflicts and have had problems setting boundaries. Through lots of psychotherapy, I am recovering, though setting boundaries is still challenging for me.
Thank you for commenting Beth and I'm so sorry to hear that you experienced a violent and abusive childhood; there are elements there of my own experience too, and so I grew up with first-hand evidence of what it is like to be 'prey' in this world. As a therapist, I too have done a lot of healing around this, and around my core attachment style, which is one that avoids conflict (avoidant). I don't think setting boundaries and dealing with conflicts will ever be 'easy' for me, but I'm getting better at tolerating the discomfort... Sending you a big hug, Jody x
You might also want to watch the webinar I mentioned in the article, you'll find it here: https://vimeo.com/963143811
So many juicy bits here Jody, it stirs so much reflection. My ancestors wish to share that it was exactly these statuses that made them so powerful that made them so dangerous (to men). We do not fear being that woman only what it represents in our DNA, the trauma that you refer to. It is more than a voice, it can be portrayed in a look, in our presence, in our energy, when we own it. We are here, we are still working the old ways, this time we are unstoppable.
Thought provoking. I believe it’s just as necessary for us to reclaim words like crone, hag, and harpy as it is to reclaim bitch or queer. Kudos to aging unconventionally.
Gonna make myself an assortment of those weird little baby tee shirts with HAG, CRONE, and HARPY on them. Thank you for the inspo and your wonderful writing on this topic! 🔥
Thank you Lesley! Sometimes it feels like this work is never done... it certainly seems recently that so many of the gains of feminism are being lost again.... Hugs, Jody x
That sounds brilliant! Have subscribed to your stack and I look forward to reading your graphic novel as it unfolds! Thank you for sharing your work with me/us. Jody x
You are incredible. This is incredible!! Thank you for writing it and thank you for being audacious enough to reclaim what should never have been negative. 💜
At 62, I'm leaning way into my Cailleach identity. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cailleach
Me too! Have you explored Sharon Blackie's writings on this? I'm proud to have been interviewed in her book 'Hagitude' and you'll find her here on Substack too at: https://sharonblackie.substack.com/
Thanks, I’ll check it out!
Hi Jody I presume you have come across Rae Beth's books? If not they are marvellous!
I have indeed, thank you x
I love this post, thank you 😊! Also, I'd like to put it out there that we're not obliged to answer questions about why we don't have children, or any other perceived nonconformity. Just turn it around and ask them why they think we should have to justify ourselves. It pot's the onus on them to justify their attitude.
Yes! If it feels ugly, scary, uncomfortable to say…then best get it said and find out who was really holding the key to that much power.
Completely agree Jody with the power of reclaiming. It's been a wonderful thing hasn't it to see so many women of our generation who have been working away at doing exactly this, and Substack unearthing them! I remember being asked in a radio interview a few years ago when talking about Crone Club: "If 'Crones Don't whine' was written over 20 years ago and it's still a 'bad word', why not give it up and just come up with a new one rather than flogging a dead horse?" I think I mumbled something about it giving me a connection to the past, but as always, you've totally nailed it here when you said "I feel steadied by the backbone of the Crone’s presence in my life." 🥰 I think you (and all of us in the crone/hag 'movement') should be proud of what we've achieved this past few years in reclaiming crone/hag/witch narrative! It's easy for us to forget how far we've come! Much love to you and all the crone sisters out there, and thank you for your thoughtful and beautiful writing. xxx ps @twistedtwee on insta have a fine array of crone/hag/harpie badges and clothing, and are reclaiming some more modern pejoratives too - including my fave tee shirt - 'Chopped Liver'. 😳 😂
I never struggled with 'crone' but I did hate the word 'whine' in JSB's choice of book title! Like many women writers on ageing, she doesn't seem to realise that 25% of us are ageing without children and so cannot take refuge in the acceptable social location of 'mother' and possibly 'grandmother', with all their attendant archetypal, metaphorical and social qualities. We are death crones in a very raw way that most people look away from, and once you make peace with that, and feel 'her backbone', the mist clears...
Amen, Sister. I'm owning the words and the season of Crone, Hag. (Maybe even Harpy). Not always pang free but like you enjoy flying under the radar.
Powerful words and I agree wholeheartedly with needing to reclaim them for ourselves. As a feminist going back to the seventies and in my seventies now, I did cringe with the reference to "Karen" however which is taken from an incident of a racist white woman. Let's not make the same mistake we did back in the seventies of separating ourselves from the struggle against racism as it has the same roots as misogyny. Let's raise our shrill voices for the liberation of all people and join hands with those fighting oppression everywhere on our beleaguered mother earth.
Thanks Diana. I am aware of the origins of the slur 'Karen' and I agree that white feminism too often neglects the intersectional nature of our societies. Upon reflection, I may change that phrase as I certainly don't want to add further slurs in an essay about removing them! I'm against all 'othering' as it leads to (and allows) oppression - of women, of people of colour, of anything that shows up patriarchy for the sham (and shambles) that it is - and of course of our one precious home planet. Thank you for being a feminist in your seventies, gosh I wish I'd known you as a role model growing up!
I might add also a childless cat lady which I wrote about in my last Substack newsletter. I've been following you for awhile.
Wonderful essay - if anyone else here would like to read Diana's essay you'll find it at: https://dianalightmoon.substack.com/p/on-being-a-childless-cat-lady
(I'll comment directly on the essay later today)xx
Loved this bold, truthful post, Jody. I want to focus on this: "...none of us had been supported by our upbringing, education or the wider culture to develop our skills in dealing with boundaries and conflicts."
I grew up in a very patriarchal family where my dad would hurl verbal abuse on me, beat me, and shame me regularly, as he did to my mom. My brother suffered too, but my dad's wrath was against women. It's no wonder why I have historically tried to avoid conflicts and have had problems setting boundaries. Through lots of psychotherapy, I am recovering, though setting boundaries is still challenging for me.
Your post really resonated with me. Thank you.
Thank you for commenting Beth and I'm so sorry to hear that you experienced a violent and abusive childhood; there are elements there of my own experience too, and so I grew up with first-hand evidence of what it is like to be 'prey' in this world. As a therapist, I too have done a lot of healing around this, and around my core attachment style, which is one that avoids conflict (avoidant). I don't think setting boundaries and dealing with conflicts will ever be 'easy' for me, but I'm getting better at tolerating the discomfort... Sending you a big hug, Jody x
You might also want to watch the webinar I mentioned in the article, you'll find it here: https://vimeo.com/963143811
Thank you
Wow ... just brilliant 🙏
Thank you Simone, that's a lovely response!
There is so much to revisit and explore ... thank you 🙏
So many juicy bits here Jody, it stirs so much reflection. My ancestors wish to share that it was exactly these statuses that made them so powerful that made them so dangerous (to men). We do not fear being that woman only what it represents in our DNA, the trauma that you refer to. It is more than a voice, it can be portrayed in a look, in our presence, in our energy, when we own it. We are here, we are still working the old ways, this time we are unstoppable.
Thank you, Louise. I love the idea that we are unstoppable. Sadly, I think patriarchy is unstoppable too, but it's running out of road... xx
My bets are on us being able to send it in a different direction where it either gets lost or ends up going round in every decreasing circles 😂xx
Thought provoking. I believe it’s just as necessary for us to reclaim words like crone, hag, and harpy as it is to reclaim bitch or queer. Kudos to aging unconventionally.
Thanks for getting it! It is vital that we no longer participate in our own shaming as women x
Gonna make myself an assortment of those weird little baby tee shirts with HAG, CRONE, and HARPY on them. Thank you for the inspo and your wonderful writing on this topic! 🔥
Check out @twistedtwee on insta! xxx
I am sooooo going to need those t-shirts too! Thank you x
Excellent essay Jody! Love that your work continues to reclaim the words that the patriarchy use to oppress us!
Thank you Lesley! Sometimes it feels like this work is never done... it certainly seems recently that so many of the gains of feminism are being lost again.... Hugs, Jody x
Proud and loud crone here! Croneville Carnival new graphic novel will be serialized here on my Substack starting in January.
That sounds brilliant! Have subscribed to your stack and I look forward to reading your graphic novel as it unfolds! Thank you for sharing your work with me/us. Jody x
I love your brash language. Since we are the people being fucked, we should be able to include that work in our working vocabulary!
Indeed? Why should the prey also be polite?!
You are incredible. This is incredible!! Thank you for writing it and thank you for being audacious enough to reclaim what should never have been negative. 💜
Thank you so much! A great compliment indeed from someone with an exquisite use/understanding of language (and history!) Hugs, Jody x