53 Comments

This is so beautiful. God be with you and your husband as you accompany your mother-in-law on her final journey.

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Thank you so much dearest Sue xx

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Thank you for sharing your experience with us. That whole-body awareness of the history of a space and the humans that came before us is just incredible.

I am sending you so much love as you navigate your mother-by-law’s next journey.

Your words have this special kind of magic where you can discuss such heavy things yet it feels like a safe, warm space to navigate these challenging, but shared, human experiences. Thank you for sharing your humanness with us and allowing us to learn through your paradigms, Jody! You’re amazing!

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Thank you for your support and your appreciation too of my writing; I'm touched that you find yourself 'learning through [my] paradigms'; I'm certainly learning a HUGE amount through your work!

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Such a beautiful piece in so many ways. My heart as well goes out to you as you shepherd your mother in law on her final journey. It is so painful and yet such a wonderful way to nurture and mother and be. I have had the privilege in my work to companion many parents through the loss of a child. And I have always felt that for all that we save, these are the journeys that I have taken that have made me the most proud of what I have done as a doctor. I always teach that if you can stay and accompany and witness these moments, however painful, it is a great gift to them and to yourself. I am wishing you needed strength peace and love for you and your partner these coming days and for peace and comfort for your mother in law. XX

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Thank you Cecilia. I was with my own mother as she died a few month ago, and I believe the experience changed us both profoundly. I feel honoured to be called to do this again with my mother in law and I hope I am up to the challenges that lie ahead in the coming weeks. I have a well-developed capacity for holding pain and grief (both my own and others) and I'm bracing myself for how it may be tested... Thank you for your encouragement and support x

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My heart goes out to you as you accompany another elder towards her death.

I found it both an honor and a uniquely painful heartbreak all at once as I witnessed both Mom and Dad’s crossing.

I could feel myself not wanting to leave her bedside to care for my needs, lest she be alone at that final moment. Like the setting of the sun over the ocean, one second there, the next gone.

I now wonder if at the moments of passing, she might be both places at once? Both here and also observing. Always aware of the love she’s received from you and her son.

Be gentle with yourself as she is transitioning, allowing your heart to have a rest every day.

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Thank you Teyani - it's a strange in-betweeny time - full of ordinary living and extraordinary dying... it's hard to know 'how' to be in this time and yes, I felt with my own mother that she was both present and absent once she died. Thank you for allowing my heart to have a rest every day... xxx

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So well expressed, “full of ordinary living and extraordinary dying”. That’s it exactly.

I sometimes wonder how the ordinary can continue to exist in the presence of such extraordinary heart break.

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I am so sorry for this loss, Jody, and especially the timing of it coming so close to losing your own mother. This is a beautiful tribute to both of these women who have held such a special place in your heart, and to the many ways that we can mother others by helping them transition to and through the different phases of our existence. Sending love, light, and wishes for comfort for you.

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Thank you so much Karen; it's a strange season for sure, losing them both so close to each other. And yes, absolutely, 'mother' is a verb, not a noun, and I am doing a lot of 'mothering' right now... Hugs Jody x

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Mother Mary came to me this week Jody when I asked for assistance in healing. I am not religious, but I embrace the significance of this goddess as she swept into help me this week. I find that in your words there is more synchronicity of the comfort that is available to us in our hour of need, in our darkest times. There is no judgment, there is only love and a mutual desire to find inner peace. Thank you for sharing this journey. 🙏💫

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Thank you Louise. I am not religious either and my desire (and experience) of seeking out a connection with Mother Mary comes from, and connects with, something much older than Christianity... I am so glad that you relate and have shared YOUR words with me too x

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“I find it ironic that so many people long to live by the sea, to hear it whispering in the background of their day, as I have done for the last year, whereas for me, it’s always been mountains that activate my heart’s trap door of awe; indeed, if I spent too much time at sea level, I start to feel ‘low’.” I am exactly in this situation! This is a lovely post; your experience of grace is comforting.

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So how could I NOT head up into those mountains...! Thank you for finding my experience comforting... I have the medallion in front of me now, to remind me of it too.

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I've experienced death recently Jody. An old friend who was part of a friendship group I was in, in the 1990s died last week. Quite suddenly and unexpectedly. We had lost touch, but lots of old memories surfaced,and I remember the times I had with her and that part of my life has now become a time capsule, never to be recaptured. Two members of the friendship group have passed now. They did not even reach their 60th birthdays. Its almost like time itself is whispering in my ear, reminding me to live, be brave and practice gratitude. 😍 xxx thanks for sharing your trip, it was wonderfully descriptive and interesting.

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I'm so sorry to hear of the death of your old friend, and how so much of who you were has 'left' with her... I have a dear friend from my teenage years who becomes more precious with every year, even though we are wildly differnet in character, life experience and temperment, because we are each other's life witnesses... and that is so precious. Being around death, both my mothers and now my mother in law's impending death, is changing me at deep levels. It makes me realise how much our culture has lost by shunting death out of view... Thank you for sharing your experience too, which has led me to reflect on deeper levels. xxx

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I love what you say about "being each other's witnesses", it is so true. She was part of who I used to be, and I her. I am evolving as we all are. So many memories are resurfacing as I re-shape my self in order to survive in this different, modern world. I am scratching beneath the surface, burrowing like an animal into my psyche. I often wonder if I constructed myself, or others did. Maybe it is a combination of the two! Much love and light Jody. Xxx

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I’m in awe of such a profound experience. Thank you for sharing.

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I'm kind of in awe of it myself, and I don't think I will ever 'understand' it, and that's ok... xx

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Thank you, Jody, for this wonderful piece. It brought back memories of Montserrat. I’ve visited La Moreneta several times when I lived in Barcelona. I agree that she has a power that is also gentle. There is so much history in that location.

I’m a new subscriber to your stack, and finding this post as my first one was quite unexpected and profound.

I send you and your partner strength and love in this time of transition. May it be a peaceful one for your partner’s mother.

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Thank you Louise for commenting. Yes, I'm beginning to realise, in my research for this essay, and also in looking to make sense (ha!) of my experience, how deep that history goes... I can quite see that I will revisit Her should I be in that region of Spain again. Thank you so much for your wishes for our household too, in this strange time of transition... Hugs, Jody x

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What a beautiful post. Both elements beautifully expressed.

In regard to the two saints, Perpetua and Felicita, I wonder if they are behind the name of the old english climbing rose, Felicité-Perpétue....

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Thank you June for appreciation the intertwining threads of this essay. I'm not sure about the rose, but the story of these these two saints are very much intertwined too. Hugs, Jody x

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Sending love Jody as you navigate this transition with your family. Birth and death seem to be the moments when the veil that separates us from the spirit world is thinest. Such a potent and powerful portal.

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Hi Vicki - I've never (yet) had the privilege of being at a birth, but I can absolutely imagine that it too is a profoundly numinous time... As you know, I love thresholds, and it seems that I'm being called to show up for them powerfully at the moment xxx

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Thank you for sharing.

Being a nurse I have been privileged to support people in their final journey to what lies beyond. It is a gift.

Sending you hugs and good thoughts to support you and your partner.

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Thank you so much Lisa. I was with my mother when she died last November and it was a profound experience that changed both of us, I believe. My mother in law has had a remarkable life, and a great deal of good luck with her health - we're hoping her luck holds... thank you for your validating support x

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Thank you for mentioning The Way of the Rose. I work with Catholic nuns and am endlessly curious about their ideas that have little to do with patriarchy and Catholicism on a whole, but more to do with environmental issues and the well being of youth.

I can't wait to read it.

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What a wonderful trip!

So sorry about your mother-in-law. And, she is lucky to have you. Blessings to all three of you.

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Thank you Hilary. And yes, the visit to Monserrat was entirely unplanned, and quite extraordinary. I'm still processing the feelings of that day, which were quite unlike anything else I've experienced... Thank you for your blessings xxx

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Beautiful! Thank you for sharing@

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Thank you so much Sue - hugs back to you xxx

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So beautiful in so many ways. Grateful that you shared your pilgrimage with us--I love those experiences and hearing about them in others. Mothering through death is very real and is a much more needed practice, awareness, recognition than the current world wants to ever give it. 💜

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