Jody, this is such a tender piece. I’m delighted to have found you as I sense a kindred soul in many respects, especially on the therapist-with-chronic-illness front. Sending you a warm hug and looking forward to connecting more.
Thank you Jo - I am very touched. I loved your note about grief and ancestral connections - something very much woven into my own life. Having spent all afternoon with my hands in the earth, which helped me so much with the deep grief I’m feeling for humanity right now, I can see how the practice you describe might serve. Big hugs xxx
Hi Jody - as I read this, so many feelings came up. The one that is sort of tough to describe, because it is a combo of many feelings including immense gratefulness for having you “in my life” and also sadness and fear about recognizing your mortality. And then I realized how ironic it is that although you have not given birth to a child, you are like a mother to all of us, caring for us, guiding us and sharing your own experiences about CNBC unlike any of our birth mothers could do (never having experienced it). You have given so much and I thank you for all the work you are doing. It means SO much. ❤️🙏❤️
Jody, I have read this post over so many times and have found it hard to find the words to respond (and supposedly I'm a writer??). But I wanted to add my voice to these others. We all love you and appreciate all that you've done for us over the past 15 years (so much!!), and whatever lies in your future, we'll be here for you, in spirit if not physically at your side. xoxo, Lori.
Dearest Lori - you've had my back right from the beginning, and I can feel you there now. Thank you for thinking of me in the midst of your own grief-season. HUGE love, Jody x
Thanks so much for such vulnerable and courageous sharing 💖🙏. Your words are always full of compassion and warmth and now, even in the midst of what can be a very confusing and frustrating moment to say the least, you found a way to weave poetry and love life as it comes! What a gift and true wisdom. Thank you always! And huge warm hug from Argentina
Thank you Mariavi - I am so grateful that my weavings feel like some kind of wisdom. Words have been such a comfort to me so far this lifetime that the thought of losing language feels very scary. And yet... who will I be underneath that blanket of babble? I guess, if it comes to that, I'll find out! Hugs back to you in Argentina x
I am deeply disappointed I missed seeing you in the elder zoom call Saturday night. I had a feeling I needed to be there and then life happened.
I’m struggling to find the words to respond to such a vulnerable expression of self. It’s so wonderful to see so many people reply with such compassion and obvious love for you.
For what is this life about if it’s not about love? Yet love doesn’t exist without everything else. It’s always so hard to accept the fact that it’s all the human experience. The love and the pain. It’s all another “fucking opportunity for growth!”
I saw my mother deteriorate and die, without fully understanding that I couldn’t save her. She was dying and I was willing her to live. I understand now, that allowing life to flow to its natural end is not a failure, it is life. Life is part of death.
I think I would have been a lot more comfortable letting her go had I known she’d had a good life. It was not an easy or joyful life and I wanted to give her every opportunity to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Yet I restricted the sugary and chocolatey sweetness she wanted. She wanted the basics and I was trying to give her joy. But you can’t make someone experience something that they can’t see. She was joyless and that almost broke me.
What I am inadequately trying to say is, you’ve given so many of us an opportunity to walk through our grief and experience joy. You are a guiding light for so many CNBC women. You lit a flame in me and in so many others that will eternally shine. I am so grateful for you.
You are so right Jody. I love that you saw through my ramblings. You felt my pain, while I was stumbling to give you acknowledgment. Maybe even comfort. I failed of course. As one can when we are concerned for those we love 💕 .
I was focused on my own experiences to try to understand yours.
No, I do not write. Not in a meaningful way. Occasionally I post battle cries into the abyss of Facebook. But it’s not a real platform or media.
It’s hard not to “rebel yell” into the void. With all the injustices around how do I not? Mostly it’s self indulgent anxiety 😥 It works like a release value. I yell, I lecture, I berate some annoying misogynist or political moron and move on. Immature? Possibly. Cathartic? Yes! 🙌
I have the privilege and curse of too much time to think. Without being able to contribute to something that gives me meaning. I am at sea. 🌊
My psychologist has asked me to bring her a list of all my ideas. 💡 I think she hopes if I spend time writing them down and thinking about them, I will find clarity on the next “thing“. Of course my obsession with the next “right thing” is probably my Achilles heal in moving forward with something, anything.
Without trying too hard this time, I’d like to convey my concern that you are struggling with your health. My heart aches that you are in this situation. I hope the news is manageable and kind.
I just want to drop around with my mothers chicken soup 🍜. Made with tinny chicken and parmesan meat balls. It smells like my youth, during illness, grief, and when traveler’s arrived from a long flight from Italy they were served this soup made with love. 💕
Oh Mina, your line, 'she was joyless and that almost broke me' breaks my heart too. Hoping that we can change others is such a hard hope to carry... I'm so very sorry for you and your mother that both her life and her death were so very hard on you. I think you write very movingly about this, and I'd love to read more from you... Are you writing these days? Big love, Jody x
Thank you! I'm happy that my very personal experience contained a nugget of something universal, too. And yes, in my experience, menopause can be a powerful antidote to patriarchial conditioning...
Once again, you lead us with grace and courage. And calm. I believe you will discover incredible gifts in this new chapter (that's been my experience in this Life journey). Sent with lots of love from San Francisco xoxo
Ah Kathleen - lovely to read your words. What is life but an endless supply of 'AFOG's' (another fucking opportunity for growth!) Big hugs back atcha, Jody x
Dear Big Sis, Hugs. Thank you for sharing this with us. The image in my head as I read this is a phoenix- the fire and how you're fully present changing within its flames, knowing there's a shedding and a change happening. I've always been inspired by your gumption. Whatever lies ahead, I know you will find a way to fly your way. There are many of us with you. xo
Thanks, Vicky. Oh, that bloody phoenix and I have had a few run-ins already this lifetime, and she's not done with me yet! Thank you for flying into the flames alongside me. Hugs, Jody x
So much to think over and reflect on in your words. Thank you for your openess about the reality of our mortality. Like you I've faced death on several occassions and on those occassions my head flits from taking things as they come day by day to fearing the future. I used to be an idealist but a lesson in my twenties switched me to a fatalist, but I can't say that I always find that acceptance is easy.
Dearest Steph - If acceptance were easy, we wouldn't be human! Facing my mortality feels surprisingly freeing... yet that awareness is also surprisingly hard to hang onto, and I can easily get wrapped up again in day-to-day concerns... Just grateful for now to have my writing, and the company of souls like yourself, to help make some sense of it all, and hopefully to do so in a way that might be of service to others. Because in the end, what are we here to do if it's not to help each other just a little? Hugs, Jodyx
There’s a serenity in your words here Jody. A peace. An acceptance. It’s like you’re looking at fear trying to make its way to you and laughing at it. I hope the good days, where pain doesn’t taunt you are more frequent than the bad days ❤️
Thank Ali. For now, I am peace. I'm in a liminal place of not really knowing what's coming, and that's somewhere I've had a lot of experience with! It's not easy, but I know it's where the magic happens too. But having thoughtful, kind, understanding people around me, like you, like so many of my Substack pals, makes it all feel a lot less lonely and scary xx
Facing your own mortality shows you things about yourself you had no idea about. What did life mean? What does it still mean? Who am I? Now realising it comes down to yourself and love. As I step into the next phase of my life as the elder in the family, I am witnessing this for myself. It gives us the opportunity to do a life review and what we want for the rest of our lives. Thank you for being naturally yourself in all the rawness and vulnerability that comes with that.
Thank you, Chantal, and yes, this process is acting like a big sieve, and it's interesting to see which parts of 'me' drop through, and which parts seem like they deserve more attention... and indeed, love. And joy. And irrelevance. If eldering is a verb not a noun, it's definintely one that doesn't always involve taking myself too seriously! Hugs, Jody x
Jody, this is such a tender piece. I’m delighted to have found you as I sense a kindred soul in many respects, especially on the therapist-with-chronic-illness front. Sending you a warm hug and looking forward to connecting more.
Thank you Jo - I am very touched. I loved your note about grief and ancestral connections - something very much woven into my own life. Having spent all afternoon with my hands in the earth, which helped me so much with the deep grief I’m feeling for humanity right now, I can see how the practice you describe might serve. Big hugs xxx
Thank you, Jody. I’m glad it resonated and yes, I can’t tell you how many times soil has held me. Much love x
Hi Jody - as I read this, so many feelings came up. The one that is sort of tough to describe, because it is a combo of many feelings including immense gratefulness for having you “in my life” and also sadness and fear about recognizing your mortality. And then I realized how ironic it is that although you have not given birth to a child, you are like a mother to all of us, caring for us, guiding us and sharing your own experiences about CNBC unlike any of our birth mothers could do (never having experienced it). You have given so much and I thank you for all the work you are doing. It means SO much. ❤️🙏❤️
Jody, I have read this post over so many times and have found it hard to find the words to respond (and supposedly I'm a writer??). But I wanted to add my voice to these others. We all love you and appreciate all that you've done for us over the past 15 years (so much!!), and whatever lies in your future, we'll be here for you, in spirit if not physically at your side. xoxo, Lori.
Dearest Lori - you've had my back right from the beginning, and I can feel you there now. Thank you for thinking of me in the midst of your own grief-season. HUGE love, Jody x
Wishing you well, however that may manifest
Thank you dear Jenn x
Thanks so much for such vulnerable and courageous sharing 💖🙏. Your words are always full of compassion and warmth and now, even in the midst of what can be a very confusing and frustrating moment to say the least, you found a way to weave poetry and love life as it comes! What a gift and true wisdom. Thank you always! And huge warm hug from Argentina
Thank you Mariavi - I am so grateful that my weavings feel like some kind of wisdom. Words have been such a comfort to me so far this lifetime that the thought of losing language feels very scary. And yet... who will I be underneath that blanket of babble? I guess, if it comes to that, I'll find out! Hugs back to you in Argentina x
Chronic pain > tick
Life long Insomnia > tick
Long Lyme > tick
100% Arrhythmia > tick
Dysautonomia > tick.
I feel you! 😌
Thanks for writing this.
🤞for you. ❤️🌻
Oh Claire, I'm so very sorry that you relate on such a visceral level! I feel you too! Hugs, Jody x
Thank you, much love and blessings
Thank you Doreen x
Dearest Jody,
To say I am sorry is an understatement.
I am deeply disappointed I missed seeing you in the elder zoom call Saturday night. I had a feeling I needed to be there and then life happened.
I’m struggling to find the words to respond to such a vulnerable expression of self. It’s so wonderful to see so many people reply with such compassion and obvious love for you.
For what is this life about if it’s not about love? Yet love doesn’t exist without everything else. It’s always so hard to accept the fact that it’s all the human experience. The love and the pain. It’s all another “fucking opportunity for growth!”
I saw my mother deteriorate and die, without fully understanding that I couldn’t save her. She was dying and I was willing her to live. I understand now, that allowing life to flow to its natural end is not a failure, it is life. Life is part of death.
I think I would have been a lot more comfortable letting her go had I known she’d had a good life. It was not an easy or joyful life and I wanted to give her every opportunity to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Yet I restricted the sugary and chocolatey sweetness she wanted. She wanted the basics and I was trying to give her joy. But you can’t make someone experience something that they can’t see. She was joyless and that almost broke me.
What I am inadequately trying to say is, you’ve given so many of us an opportunity to walk through our grief and experience joy. You are a guiding light for so many CNBC women. You lit a flame in me and in so many others that will eternally shine. I am so grateful for you.
You are so right Jody. I love that you saw through my ramblings. You felt my pain, while I was stumbling to give you acknowledgment. Maybe even comfort. I failed of course. As one can when we are concerned for those we love 💕 .
I was focused on my own experiences to try to understand yours.
No, I do not write. Not in a meaningful way. Occasionally I post battle cries into the abyss of Facebook. But it’s not a real platform or media.
It’s hard not to “rebel yell” into the void. With all the injustices around how do I not? Mostly it’s self indulgent anxiety 😥 It works like a release value. I yell, I lecture, I berate some annoying misogynist or political moron and move on. Immature? Possibly. Cathartic? Yes! 🙌
I have the privilege and curse of too much time to think. Without being able to contribute to something that gives me meaning. I am at sea. 🌊
My psychologist has asked me to bring her a list of all my ideas. 💡 I think she hopes if I spend time writing them down and thinking about them, I will find clarity on the next “thing“. Of course my obsession with the next “right thing” is probably my Achilles heal in moving forward with something, anything.
Without trying too hard this time, I’d like to convey my concern that you are struggling with your health. My heart aches that you are in this situation. I hope the news is manageable and kind.
I just want to drop around with my mothers chicken soup 🍜. Made with tinny chicken and parmesan meat balls. It smells like my youth, during illness, grief, and when traveler’s arrived from a long flight from Italy they were served this soup made with love. 💕
Oh Mina, your line, 'she was joyless and that almost broke me' breaks my heart too. Hoping that we can change others is such a hard hope to carry... I'm so very sorry for you and your mother that both her life and her death were so very hard on you. I think you write very movingly about this, and I'd love to read more from you... Are you writing these days? Big love, Jody x
Thank you for sharing..i really appreciate the work you do for our comunity..
Thank yoiu Ramona x
Wrapping my arms round that coat with the biggest hug - will love you always and deeply wherever we both are on this crazy adventure of existence xxx
Thank you my treasure. Hope you are e-x-p-a-n-d-i-n-g into your sabbatical :)
Thank you so much for such raw, yet gentle, honesty. Your essay feels like a message for humanity as much as for perimenopausal women like me.
Thank you! I'm happy that my very personal experience contained a nugget of something universal, too. And yes, in my experience, menopause can be a powerful antidote to patriarchial conditioning...
Once again, you lead us with grace and courage. And calm. I believe you will discover incredible gifts in this new chapter (that's been my experience in this Life journey). Sent with lots of love from San Francisco xoxo
Ah Kathleen - lovely to read your words. What is life but an endless supply of 'AFOG's' (another fucking opportunity for growth!) Big hugs back atcha, Jody x
Dear Big Sis, Hugs. Thank you for sharing this with us. The image in my head as I read this is a phoenix- the fire and how you're fully present changing within its flames, knowing there's a shedding and a change happening. I've always been inspired by your gumption. Whatever lies ahead, I know you will find a way to fly your way. There are many of us with you. xo
Thanks, Vicky. Oh, that bloody phoenix and I have had a few run-ins already this lifetime, and she's not done with me yet! Thank you for flying into the flames alongside me. Hugs, Jody x
So much to think over and reflect on in your words. Thank you for your openess about the reality of our mortality. Like you I've faced death on several occassions and on those occassions my head flits from taking things as they come day by day to fearing the future. I used to be an idealist but a lesson in my twenties switched me to a fatalist, but I can't say that I always find that acceptance is easy.
Dearest Steph - If acceptance were easy, we wouldn't be human! Facing my mortality feels surprisingly freeing... yet that awareness is also surprisingly hard to hang onto, and I can easily get wrapped up again in day-to-day concerns... Just grateful for now to have my writing, and the company of souls like yourself, to help make some sense of it all, and hopefully to do so in a way that might be of service to others. Because in the end, what are we here to do if it's not to help each other just a little? Hugs, Jodyx
There’s a serenity in your words here Jody. A peace. An acceptance. It’s like you’re looking at fear trying to make its way to you and laughing at it. I hope the good days, where pain doesn’t taunt you are more frequent than the bad days ❤️
Thank Ali. For now, I am peace. I'm in a liminal place of not really knowing what's coming, and that's somewhere I've had a lot of experience with! It's not easy, but I know it's where the magic happens too. But having thoughtful, kind, understanding people around me, like you, like so many of my Substack pals, makes it all feel a lot less lonely and scary xx
Facing your own mortality shows you things about yourself you had no idea about. What did life mean? What does it still mean? Who am I? Now realising it comes down to yourself and love. As I step into the next phase of my life as the elder in the family, I am witnessing this for myself. It gives us the opportunity to do a life review and what we want for the rest of our lives. Thank you for being naturally yourself in all the rawness and vulnerability that comes with that.
Thank you, Chantal, and yes, this process is acting like a big sieve, and it's interesting to see which parts of 'me' drop through, and which parts seem like they deserve more attention... and indeed, love. And joy. And irrelevance. If eldering is a verb not a noun, it's definintely one that doesn't always involve taking myself too seriously! Hugs, Jody x
It is like having a big sieve and not taking ourselves too seriously anymore. xx